Jason Page, who does the wonderful illustrations you see in this newsletter, sent me something he had ChatGPT write about the LIV finale in Miami last weekend. The premise: All of this is so absurd (see money list above) that it would make sense for the coverage of it to be equally absurd. The entire idea as well as the execution made me laugh pretty hard.
Here’s the prompt: Can you write Bryson DeChambeau's winning speech after his team Crushers GC beat the Range Goats at the all-scores-count shootout LIV final at Trump Doral Miami?
And here’s the result …
Ladies and gentlemen, fellow golf enthusiasts, and all those who have supported us on this incredible journey.
Ed. note: I mean … is it that far off?
Today, I stand before you as the captain of Crushers GC, and I am truly humbled by the opportunity to speak on behalf of our team. What an incredible day it has been, right here at Trump Doral Miami, where the LIV Golf all-scores-count shootout reached its thrilling climax.
First and foremost, I want to extend our deepest appreciation to the Range Goats for being fierce competitors. They pushed us to our limits, and their sportsmanship and skill on the course exemplify the spirit of this great game. It was an honor to share the fairways with such an incredible group of golfers.
Ed. note: I think this is where I started howling.
To my teammates, Charles Howell III, Paul Casey, and Anirban Lahiri, you are all nothing short of spectacular. Charles, your steady play and unwavering composure set the tone for our team. Paul, your consistency under pressure was a rock we could lean on. Anirban, your bogey-free round was nothing short of magical, and it provided us with an invaluable boost.
Today, it was a team effort, and it is a true testament to the power of unity and collaboration. In golf, as in life, we face countless challenges, and it's our response to those challenges that define us. Our team embraced the challenge, and we rose to the occasion, understanding that our collective performance would be the key to our success.
In this all-scores-count shootout format, each member's contribution was vital, and it's a testament to our collective resilience and unwavering dedication to the game we love.
I want to thank our incredible fans, both here in the gallery and those watching from afar, for your unwavering support. You were our driving force, and your energy and encouragement propelled us forward.
Ed. note: This is for sure something Bryson would say!
Lastly, I'd like to express my gratitude to the tournament organizers, sponsors, and everyone who makes the LIV Golf Final possible. Your dedication to this sport and the commitment to providing us with this stage to showcase our talents are truly appreciated.
In closing, I want to emphasize that this victory is a testament to the values of golf—integrity, respect, and unwavering dedication to excellence. We played our best, and today, the golfing gods smiled upon us. But remember, in this sport, the journey is as important as the destination.
Thank you, everyone, for being a part of this memorable day at Trump Doral Miami. We are honored to be your champions, and we look forward to many more exciting moments on the golf course in the future.
More confession time here from another Kyle, who was playing Connections — where you have to match four groups of four words that have commonalities — and began trying to match up the Aces.
I have to admit I actually did the exact same thing with the same puzzle, even going so far as to look for other words in this particular Connections that fit the “Four ________” mold.
Dear @KylePorterCBS,
Opened up Connections today and immediately started looking for Cleeks. I’ll be in the infirmary.
— Kyle Bosch (@KyleJBosch)
Oct 26, 2023
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